I’m not going to lie, I’m so glad another Christmas is over. I focus on positive thoughts from early December and I try very hard to get into the spirit on Christmas Eve but I just can’t seem to enjoy this particular time of year. It’s not down to one thing, rather a combination of factors I suppose.
I do remember more excitement when my brother and I were really small, particularly in what I think of as our first home (it was for my brother). I can recall feeling very excited on his behalf despite the pressure to say the right thing if either of us were to receive a gift we already had or didn’t like. I’m sure this didn’t happen too often but it must have been a possibility, the range of toys for small children would have been significantly less in the seventies than it is now. My parents coached my brother to say, ‘thank you, that’s just what I wanted’ if either of these scenarios arose. In those days he couldn’t pronounce the letter ‘s’ which was very amusing the year we had snow, I’m guilty of pointing out into our garden through the French windows and asking him repeatedly, ‘what’s that?’ Just to hear him say the word with the s replaced with a sort of nasal puffing sound. So on this Christmas Day not only did he remember to say the practiced line he said, ‘oo, ju’ what I wanted!’ for every single gift much to the amusement and slight embarrassment of my parents I’m sure.
We have smaller family get togethers at Christmas now. Just my parents, my brother and I and our families. The family occasion is lovely in itself but ugh, Christmas. For me it’s how someone once described golf, like a good walk spoiled! There’s the whole commercialism of it which has bothered me for as long as I can remember. There’s the gathering of too many voices in one place for me to be an active participant. There’s the slight chance that tensions will rise over something trivial. On the plus side though my Mother does an amazing Christmas dinner.
The quietest moments occur when everyone goes to the cinema for J’s birthday. Mum, Dad and I stay behind to babysit my niece. She was as good as gold last year although she must have wondered where everyone was. This year with the benefit of language she was even happier to have the three of us as her captive audience. After her nap we decided it was time we became familiar with her favourite film, Frozen. I’m really not a fan of Disney films in general but at least these days they have subtitles and I could see why she likes it. We bought her the Queen Elsa outfit which was extremely well received. At the time of unwrapping it she was wearing a hat and scarf set which she began to frantically pull at whilst gruffly saying, ‘geddit off, geddit off’. She was Queen Elsa in a flash and wouldn’t entertain the idea of her real name thereafter!
I have been slowly sorting out cupboards since Christmas was over. I think it’s an annual routine now whereby every January I throw away all the out of date packets, sauces and spice jars of things M has used once and abandoned. We then discuss the economy of this and he vaguely agrees to only buy the ones he really needs. I have no hope at all that this will ever be the case because he has already made a list of the spices he would like to replace. In his defence though he did make an amazing meal last night that involved marinated chicken, homemade flatbreads and some Greek salad type dishes. I believe they have proper names but they’ve whistled into one ear and out of the other.
We have slowed down on chocolate and biscuits and have talked about making that a more permanent thing. We seem to end up throwing biscuits away unless they are homemade so it makes sense to agree not to buy anymore biscuits. I may have agreed to bake the odd batch now and then. I’m not sure how often that will happen. For me that’s potential crochet, reading or dog walking time.
Talking of which, we have had some lovely frosty walks with the dogs lately. M has been coming along much more often which is lovely but quite painful. If I walk at a normal, fairly brisk pace I don’t have any issues but if I walk as slow as he does I tend to ache a lot more. I have no idea why this is. It’s less than strolling pace for me but it is nice to have company for a change. I do so much solo dog walking. Singing has become a permanent part of our solo expeditions. Harvey runs around like an idiot, jumps over small streams, runs up and down boggy ditches, swims in ice cold rivers and then gets back to the car and suddenly remembers his painful shoulder. He growls. Riley growls back and there’s lots of snarling until I start singing. I make sure the windows are well and truly closed for this. It should be uplifting but it’s quite hard work singing when you’ve just hiked through miles of boggy fields and are a little puffed out. If I happen to pass a car or more likely a farm vehicle I switch to singing in a ventriloquist kind of way lest the farmer think I have lost my marbles.
I’ve been keeping a few random balls of thin unidentified yarn by my side of the sofa and managing to crochet a few snowflakes here and there. Productivity goes up when M has chosen yet another food related programme to watch. I’m blocking them as I go which totally transforms them from a blob into a lovely snowflake. I intend to stop at about twenty which will give me the right number for cards or tags whichever I decide to use them for. Stashing them away and actually being able to find them for next Christmas is another matter. Despite intentions it may well be the only thing I get ahead with when it comes to festive makes.
I read a lovely quote recently and it was too long to remember exactly but in essence it was about not adding things to your mental list but taking away the things you do that are not entirely ‘you’. I love this. The older I get the more I realise just how much life can be devoured by trying to be all things to all people. For me I think the balance isn’t too bad now but when the children reached certain ages and milestones and no longer needed me quite so much I did actually need time to find myself again.
One thing is true though, crochet does keep me sane. My head is all over the place with plans and projects. This sorting mood means I’ve been through the boxes and reacquainted myself with old projects that need to be dealt with before I can justify starting new ones. They are mainly knitting related so I need to frog some and wind the yarn up into neat cakes that will hopefully become crochet projects! I have discovered one and a half socks made in clever self striping yarn and plan to knit a few rows a day to complete the pair. All other knitting will be frogged or given away.
I’ve been thinking a great deal about online time and read a great book recently that inspired me to reduce it a little. I’ll talk about that more in my next post. Right now I have two pairs of amber eyes imploring me to down my iPad, don my wellies and tramp through boggy grass for what they seem to think of as a joyous thing to do. Mad dogs and an English woman.